The Beginning

The Beginning - it's a good place to start, and for me it starts with this quick point:

I hate blogs.

You know how you don't really know anything about something except that you hate it? Well that's me and blogs. Although that's not to say my hatred is completely unsubstantiated, and when I say hatred I really mean disgust. But a little bit less than disgust - distaste maybe. I have a distaste for blogs in the same way people support Kony 2012. "Yeah I'll voice my opinion, but I can't be fucked to do anything about it."
We can say naughty words on here, right? "As long as it adds dramatic meaning, and drives the character exposition" - words of a wise drama teacher.
"I did a radio interview with XM radio... they said 'you can swear on XM radio.' No shit, cause nobody can hear it. You can swear in the woods, too!" - Mitch Hedberg, about XM radio (a radio show with an equivalent audience size to this blog). I believe mathematicians would call this number h, approaching 0.

Mitch Hedberg

Nonetheless, just like a history tour of a 14th century castle, I'm going to take you on a journey that you'll neither enjoy nor learn from. See, there's a problem with blogs: I could read multitudinous amounts of these "mind drools" for days on end, and not learn shit about shit. This is not writing, this is pulling my brain out and squishing it against the keys and seeing what comes out.

I digress, as I do oft, from the main reason I hate blogs... I don't really, it's mainly just the word. Blog. Ew. Web Log is fine. What happened to Web Log? Are we going to change Captain's Log to... a Slog? In any case, it would be infinitely more interesting than any Web Log. They don't strike me as being the squeezing of brain pulp and producing word vomit into an internet page. That's one of the reasons I bought myself a typewriter, and whenever I want to write something substantial I'll pull it out, wind the ink and get click-clacking. It allows you to think, and take care with your words - actually put something in that people can get out. Allow me to introduce to you Ollie:

I like words, I like reading words, I like saying words, I like making up new words and whenever you make up a new word (be it an amalgamation of two, to make your life that much easier; or a word that is only used by you and your friends to describe a state but "drunk" just doesn't go far enough) the feeling that you get when it comes out and just blows everyone away like the Dragonborn saying Fus Ro Dah, is... is... unequivogasmical... ... ...

Okay, that was a bad example - but you see my point. (for those of you who are still wondering what Fus Ro Dah is: )

 Blog is a word I just don't understand. Blog. Blog. blogblogblogblogblogblogblog. If you say it enough times in your head really really fast you sound like a chicken.
... ... ...
Well you do, don't you? I know you tried it. Maybe try saying the first one and extending the vowel sound, and then say the rest really really fast. Now put on a chicken accent. SEE! I told you.

So like a bad drummer I am way out of time, so I congratulate you on reading all this. If you skipped to here I congratulate you also - you have 5 minutes more life to live than the suckers who waded through my rambling about nothing. I should probably find out what this blog is supposed to be about - but consider this an introduction.